Bathrobe Enlightenment, 3 am

They say it's hatred
of yourself but
it feels like love
of emptiness

I don't get depressed
compared to
the old days,
younger foolish days,
drinking days
waking up in hell days

I have no reason to
I have friends now
Love, sobriety, better habits, so
I have no reason to

The person who calls himself
by my name
has no reason to
after all
he has a story out soon

I have people who know
many sides of me
My friends & people
who are sleeping now

It's probably only
existential, hour
of the wolf stuff

I'm calm, in my bathrobe,
looking for a sliver
of light in the block
of black ice continents
& centuries thick

Out the window white
dots in the block,
stars & planes
satellite maybe
brand new or burned out
move across the sky,
far ones slow,
near ones faster,
somebody in them
driving somewhere
at this deep hour
in the dark sky
keeping me company
unbeknownst

I have no reason
It's only been a few days
I don't even wonder if I
should be concerned

Everything is smooth
on the surface
everything is smoother
underneath
smoother the deeper
you go

There's nothing wrong
with feeling
sorry for yourself
once in a while

I am looking
for the compassionate one
is dreaming of brushing his hair
the compassionate one

It will pass
one way or the other
dots in the black sky
someone driving
someone not

I am all right but
there are times when
you face your fears
and there is
nothing there after all
the plainest of enlightenment
oh, hmm, so
can surprise be still
as the clock ticks,
the dots pass silently
all night & morning
comes & I'll find this
& wonder what
I was talking about
wonder what
I meant, thinking
already
now of the pancake place
where I may look
deeper in the eyes
of someone to see
what I've been missing